A beautiful day

It started off with a spectacular sunrise. Days that start with a great sunrise always seem to portend great things to come, and this day certainly delivered on its promise. I had the day off work, and I planned to go up to Rocky Mountain National Park.

The mountains from the balcony, in their sunrise glow, made me hungry to be out there among them. Long's Peak, Colorado's northernmost 14-er, is visible to the right.

I packed a backpack with cardstock, acrylic paints, brushes, sunscreen, and a coat just in case I got cold (I didn't), and by 7:30 am, I was on the road to the park, waves of happy exhilaration and anticipation washing over me.

I was driving through the Big Thompson Canyon, where the signs say, "Bighorn sheep, next 10 miles," and I was hoping I would get to see some. Sure enough, I rounded a bend, and there were four stalwart ones right on the side of the road. (By the time I parked and got the camera out, they were trotting off into the distance, so in the photo they look like four white specks to the left of the more distant car.) It made me happy just to see the way these bighorn sheep walked. They were so muscular and yet so graceful.

I got up to Rocky Mountain National Park and took the shuttle to Bear Lake. Day after Labor Day = best time to go! The massive crowds of people were thinned to almost nothing, so Bear Lake didn't have the agonizing "Get Me Away From All These People" feeling that it did in July when I went.

The lovely view at Bear Lake:

I hiked to Bierstadt Lake, which also had a lovely view, and I sat on a rock and pulled out my painting stuff and painted it. It made me happy to apply color to paper, even though I knew it was turning out amateurish and...well, just funny-looking. This was literally the first time in my life I had ever sat outside to paint a landscape. But it was something I had wanted to do ever since I came here in July. I had been longing to come out here and paint this--even though I knew I wouldn't really be able to.

The painting in front of the original:

Then I hiked on a little further and came to the steep part with the switchbacks, where the inspiration had first struck me to come out here and paint, and I sat down exactly where I had said to myself I wanted to sit, and I painted another painting. But I got tired and hungry and by the time I was painting the aspen trees, I was a bit bored and just abandoned it before all the details were done. Oh well...even if I had done my most careful work, I would not have been able to do it justice. The point was, it was fun and it made me happy to do it.

On the way home, driving out of the parking lot, I passed two elk on the side of the road. I also saw lots of chipmunks, a huge wild turkey, and two deer, making my wildlife count entirely satisfying. 

After all that, I had a wonderful evening with some friends, the most delicious chocolate cake I have ever tasted, and a sweet time of sharing and prayer.

There was even a spectacular sunset to put a fitting bookend on the day (but I didn't get a photo of it).

Thank you, Jesus, for bringing such beautiful moments into my life. Thank you for this beautiful day!

Sleep vs. Prayer: Weak Flesh vs. Willing Spirit

"What, could ye not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:40-41

The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Have you ever used that as a cop-out?

That is the only way I have ever used it or heard it used. "Oh, Jesus wants me to get up and pray rather than falling asleep. I would, because the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak, so that's why I can't get up."

As if the weak flesh trumps the power of the spirit.

That's how I always saw it.

But this morning, praying and meditating on what Jesus is saying, I see it totally differently. It doesn't make the least bit of sense that Jesus would mean it that way. Why would He say, "Watch and pray! This is important, guys, and the Spirit is willing to do it! Oh, but the flesh is weak, so never mind."

Surely He didn't tack this phrase on to give us an excuse to be hopeless about ever succeeding in obeying Him.

Rather, He is giving a really helpful instruction about the only way to succeed in prayer, answering the question, "Who are you trusting in to get your prayer done?"

If you are trusting in the spirit, the spirit is willing. The spirit is always willing to pray.

If you are trusting in the flesh, the flesh is weak. The flesh is insufficient, unable to pray, helpless to get to God.

What is the spirit? The spirit is not a thing, it's a Person.

Who is the spirit? The Holy Spirit of God. Consider who the Holy Spirit is. Can He ever be unwilling to pray?

What is the flesh? The flesh is the part of you that can't and won't serve God. The flesh is your old nature, the part that is bound to the dictatorship of sin and the devil. Why would we ever trust in the flesh in order to pray?

But we do.

We are used to trusting in the flesh.

If we need to get up super early to go on a fun trip, the flesh will help us to get up, because it is excited about the gratification and pleasure that the trip promises.

If we need to get up in the morning to go to work, the flesh will help us, because it knows you have to work to eat, and it is unwilling to put itself in the position of losing the food and other nice things that the job brings.

If we need to get up in the morning to face an unpleasant task, the flesh may be reluctant, but it will help us even then, because there are certain perks--the self-gratification of taking it patiently, or the need to get it over with, or the benefit that will come afterward.

So when it comes to getting up to pray, we turn to the flesh.

But the flesh is weak.

The spirit is willing. Walk in the spirit, and you will be able to watch one hour with Jesus. If there's even a tiny little bit of self-indulgence in your system, you will end up giving in to it and you will fall asleep.

Is this not a valuable key? Jesus is giving us knowledge for victory, not a cop-out for failure.

Sleep vs. Prayer: Death vs. Life

"Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light." Eph. 5:14

How's that for a verse on getting up from your sleep? 

I thought that waking up felt like dying. Death to self, get up, put away your tiredness, even though it feels like you can't possibly stand it.

But here, it says awake and arise from the dead. Waking up is not dying--waking up is living! Going on sleeping means to go on indulging the flesh, investing in sin and death. 

Awaking and arising from the dead--synonymous. 

If I get up out of bed when my alarm rings, when all I feel like doing is flopping right back onto my pillow and falling asleep for another hour, then it represents that I am walking in the resurrection life that Jesus has given me. That is literally what it takes for me to deny the flesh's insatiable hold on more sleep. 

Awake, and arise from the dead. 

Awake, and arise from the dead. 

It's a simultaneous thing. In order to awake, I have to walk in the resurrection life, and by awaking, I prove that I am risen with Christ. 

"And Christ shall give thee light." Even at 5:00 in the morning, before the sun rises, the light of my life, the sunshine of my soul, is Jesus. 

"But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall." Malachi 4:2

Do I trust Him to bring the light? My dead, dark, sleepy soul cannot produce its own light. The alarm rings, and I don't see or feel the burning glow of spiritual light, so I retreat back to where it's comfortable, under the covers. But He is always trustworthy. I can expect Him to bring the light. I can count on it. When I burrow back into the covers, it says, "No, Jesus, I can't trust you to bring me light today." But I could have trusted Him. Often He asks for obedience before He brings the blessing and life and sweetness of His presence. It takes faith to obey. Going back to sleep, for me, is rooted in unbelief. It takes faith to get up earlier than I "need to" in order to come into His presence and pray before I absolutely have to get out of bed for necessaries like shower and breakfast. 

God is zealous to build my faith, so He keeps pressing this issue to a point until I walk in consistent victory. 

It wouldn't be sleep in everyone's life, but I suspect there is some area for each person that is absolutely impossible in the strength of the flesh, that God will point to and correct until there is victory. The main reason why I am posting all the nitty-gritty details of this private struggle is that I trust it will be a help and a guide to some other dear sister who finds that she must apply the gospel to herself in an area of weakness in order to find victory. If this is you, take heart, and don't give up the fight; pursue Jesus and allow Him to pinpoint the area of your life and work on it. Let Him build your faith, and look at your particular "sleep" issue, not as an unfortunate command that always results in defeat, but as an invitation to discover the true victory and life that only He can bring. 

Sleep vs. Prayer: Sweetness and victory

Last night I was reading Of Whom The World Was Not Worthy before I went to bed. It's a book about Yugoslavian Christians during World War II. It'll revolutionize your prayer life. Incredible story.

I went to bed feeling inspired by the way they prayed and the way God answered, and I wanted so desperately to break through to being able to do that kind of prayer. Would I get up the next morning, finally, to meet with Jesus?

As I got into bed, I asked the Lord, "What is the key? How am I going to get up?" He suggested that I get in the secret place now, before I went to bed, and stay in it, and not leave. I have been going in and out, taking the gospel and then dropping it on the floor, having an up-and-down experience simply because I do not abide. Why would I ever leave?

He also whispered to my heart that He would come and give me an invitation to meet with Him without my alarm. Sure enough, I woke up at 4:45 and thought, "He came!" I got up. I didn't say no. I met with the Lord. I broke through in prayer. I had a lovely, lovely hour with Him. By 6:00, I had a smile on my face and a bounce in my step. The sun was just rising, and the air was beautifully clear, affording a spectacular view of Long's Peak and the whole Rocky Mountain range to the west. I took an hour-long walk around the neighborhood loop and continued my conversation with Him. It was a beautiful and fruitful and productive time.

I'm so, so incredibly thankful.

Now for this to become a regular pattern...

Stay in the secret place, and don't leave.

Sleep vs. Prayer: Plan A vs. Plan B

God has asked me this one simple thing, this tiny little sacrifice--sleep a little less if necessary; you don't even have to if you go to bed on time--and watch with me at 5:00 in the morning.

How can it be that it is THIS hard?

It's not like I should be that tired. I have the most flexible time schedule and the least amount of work responsibilities that I have had in years. It's not that I'm too busy, or too stressed, or anything. But for some reason, I am being violently opposed on this front. What is going on? What in the world?

Let me go back to the gospel. The gospel gives me power to overcome sin, no matter how violently it opposes me or how addicted I am.

Lord, preach the gospel to me again. Remind me of what it says. Show me how and why I have fallen off from living in the power of the resurrection.

Lord, bring me to the secret place, and let me get in and not leave.

I just fell asleep for like 20 minutes, which is ridiculous, because it's 9:00 in the morning. I do not need a nap! Sleep is temporarily trumping the gospel. The skirmish is going the wrong way. But sleep must ultimately lose. It must be judged. I must be delivered.

Frightening to think that sleep could win the skirmish for the rest of my life if I give sway to it. Yet on the other hand, tomorrow could be the first day of a lifetime of faithfulness if I enter into the power of the gospel and walk in it and give no place to the flesh.

This morning when my alarm went off, I consulted my body to see if it was tired, and it was, so I went back to sleep. But I am not to consult my body; I am supposed to consult Jesus to see if He wants me to get up and pray, and if the answer is yes, then it doesn't matter what my body says, HIS word goes.

Can I trust Jesus to get me up, even though I can't trust myself? Yes. How foolish of me to constantly look to the flesh to get me up when I know it never will. How absurd to start 8 years ago with "Plan A: Self Reliance: I trust myself to get myself up."

Failure that day.

Next day, "Oh, let's try Plan A again."

Failure again.

Next day: "Oh, I know! Let me try Plan A!"

Failure.

8 years later: "I'm going to try plan A tomorrow morning and see if I get up."

UMMMM... HELLO? DUH!

PLAN B!! Trust Jesus to get you up!

It just shows how much trust I had in the flesh for me to keep going back to it all those times, even when it repeatedly proved untrustworthy, and how little I trusted Jesus. He never failed me, yet I say to myself, "Oh, no, HE can't be expected to get me up. I'd better rely on myself." Ridiculous, preposterous, when you put it in that light, but I have literally been that ridiculous continually in this ongoing struggle.

There is nothing for me to do but cry, "Holy, Holy, Holy, Abba Father! Deliver me from myself, and preach the gospel to me, and let me look only to Jesus!"

• Jesus to come and get me up. 
• Jesus to say whether or not I am to get up. 
• Jesus to provide the power to get up. 
• Jesus to defeat the flesh, which opposes me getting up (He has already done it!)
• Jesus to be the sweetness and the presence in the secret place.
• Jesus to impart His life to me in exchange for my dead self.
• Jesus to bear the judgment of God on my sin. 

Jesus! How could I look to anyone but You?

Sleep vs. Prayer: God's mercy

I got up at 5, knelt by my bed, fell asleep immediately, and crawled back under my covers and fell fast asleep. I had been prevented from going to bed early like I wanted to, and then ended staying up till 1. Bad idea.

But all during the day today, I was blessed by the Lord with His presence. I had a wonderful prayer walk. I felt like I was in the secret place more often and more constantly than usual. Oh for the day when I never leave the secret place! "Now unto Him who is able to keep you from falling" was my watchword for the day.

This evening, the Lord allowed my speech to be instrumental in the life of a friend. His power and glory opened up the door for her to be blessed, and I was a channel.

I am going to bed rather late (11:54) as a result, but I just read a bunch of verses from Proverbs on sloth, so hopefully they will be effective at convincing me to get up anyway.

Oh, Jesus, let not love of sleep keep me from Thee!

Sleep vs. Prayer: One obedient day

Trusting in Jesus, I got up and prayed from 5:00 to 6:00. I did not break through in prayer and went back to sleep at 6, but later I did break through in prayer. Part of the key was a prayer time on the floor of the playroom, where I wept and found newly established faith IN Jesus, not in myself, to get up.